


Even in death

by Haya_dono



Category: Pokemon + Nobunaga no Yabou | Pokemon Conquest
Genre: Canonical Character Death, F/M, Hurt, Original Character Death(s), Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-09
Updated: 2014-09-09
Packaged: 2018-02-16 17:37:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2278665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Haya_dono/pseuds/Haya_dono
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dark AUs based on the world of Stories of Ransei.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Grief

He comes back from his training, it is already past midnight. The moon’s light is the only thing that guides him from the training field back to the castle. He walks slowly, almost trying to hide his presence and not disturb everyone’s sleep. He gets in his futon and closes his eyes, but he can’t sleep. It has been like this now. If he is lucky, he gets around four hours of sleep; but if he’s not, he spends the entire night thinking of her.

It’s six am, and he rises from the futon. He stayed all night awake. It doesn’t matter. He readies himself and goes back to training. He swings his spear; the movements, once graceful and full of life are dull, mechanical.

He trains, until he can no longer swing his arms, until they are numb. The training is not enough, it wasn’t enough. If it had been, she’d be chiding him to take a break. If she was daring enough, she’d even take his spear and would negotiate an hour of break in exchange of his weapon. He would accept, of course.

His hands grip his spear tightly, his arm is trembling. She is not there. He knows. It weighs heavily in his chest, if he had done something. If he had been stronger, if he had foreseen what was bound to happen, she would still be alive. She’d be next to him, laughing or mixing up words. She would ask him about his childhood, about his dreams, about them. He finds it hard to breathe; he has to stare at the ground to calm down. Guilt consumes him. He swore to himself he would protect her, that he would ensure her happiness. But he couldn’t.

Someone’s voice breaks him off his thoughts. Kunoichi is there to relay a message from Shingen. He is to meet with him. Yukimura nods and walks away. Kunoichi asks him if he is alright. He just nods, and leaves without saying a word. When he meets Shingen, his lord talks to him. He is worried about him, he noticed how he barely eats and how he overexerts himself. He doesn’t rest well, nor takes a break, training every single day from morning until late in the night. The war is over, he shouldn’t have to do it. But Yukimura insists. He fulfills his duties and focuses on training.

Shingen knows. Yukimura was a private, introverted man, but now he barely talks. While still polite, he is more aloof, distant. He stopped looking at people’s eyes, for they would see how the sparks in his had disappeared. His passion, his drive has been lost. The flame burning deeply in his heart had been extinguished completely and he knew he would never get it back. They knew, duty was what bound him there.

If they were still at war, Shingen wouldn’t have let him participate. He knows Yukimura; he would charge and fight, uncaring of his own life, until someone fulfilled his wish. He would fight until he fell on his knees, as blood left his body. Until he was able to meet her again. But now they were in times of peace, and he wouldn’t get his only wish granted.

Shingen asks him if he wants to talk. Yukimura says he is fine, and excuses himself. He leaves the room and notices it is almost six. He has to get something. He rushes to town, then walks home as fast as he can, as he holds a small flower he just bought. He goes to a small garden he was allowed to have, hidden behind fences. A place only he could see.

He enters, and is greeted by the sight of several sunflowers. He puts down the newest one, as he reaches for a small shovel, and digs a hole in the ground. He plants the small sunflower, just like he has for the past 5 years. For every important date, he goes to buy and plant a new one; and now he has a beautiful garden.

The only time he stops training is at six, when he goes to care for the garden. Today is no exception. In fact, today is special.

March 4th, her birthday.

He pets the newly planted sunflower, still kneeling next to it.

“I know they are your favorite,” he says. “Happy birthday.”

He tries to smile to the new addition, to his gift to her. He can’t.

_“Thank you… Yukimura,” she coughed, as he held her in his arms, trying to stop the bleeding. “I’m happy… I-I’m not alone…” She said with tears, smiling. He could feel tears falling from his eyes, as desperately held onto her hand, she could make it._

_“Don’t. I want… your smile…” she pleaded, as she forced herself to speak. Her voice was dying, she tried to raise her hand to touch his face. He helped her, never letting go of her. “I’m-“ she gasped for breath, “forever… yours.”_

He bows down to the sunflowers. Small drops fall to the ground.

“Please forgive me,” he begs, hoping somewhere, she would hear him. No answer. He can’t stop the tears that he had been holding for a long time. He knows, he can only tell his feelings to her.

Still bowing, he whispers, “I love you.” Then, he finally lets the tears fall freely.

He prays. If humans are bound to reincarnate, then he prays that he is allowed to see her once more, that their paths cross. But he doesn’t know. He apologizes for making her see him like this, for not being able to smile. He can’t now. She saw his last smile, so no one else can see him smile now. It was his last gift to her.

He gets up and cleans his face. He has to resume his training. He knows. He apologizes and bows, then, with heavy footsteps, he leaves. And that day, he dreams of her. Only to wake up all by himself.


	2. Alone

Her hand reached up far to the clear starry sky. But no matter how far she stretched her arm, she’d not be able to touch it.

The Moon.

He was no longer by her side, no longer in this world. His voice would never be heard again; she’d not see his smile. His laugh, him calling her name, the sounds his armor made as he walked next to her, they were all gone. If she closed her eyes and focused, she could see his face. But when she opened them, she’d be thrown back to that cold, colorless world. She’d see that starry sky that had lost all spark, mere lifeless dust. She didn’t care anymore. She was all alone.

All she had were memories, memories she clung on tightly. However, they are just figments, illusions, and with time they get distorted, they fade. Even if she replayed over and over his last words, giving her the illusion that he whispered them to her ear, he would not be coming back. His ghost haunted her, she saw him everywhere she went. But every time she tried to reach him, the illusion would break, bringing her back to reality. He died, she felt him leave. She knew he was dead, but she couldn’t accept it.

Her hands, they stopped sensing anything after she felt his body grow cold, as she cradled him. They gripped tightly his bandana, the only thing she could keep. She felt bad that she was taking something that belonged to him, but thought that it would help her. She had a memento of him. It was of no use. It only served to remember her that he was no longer there, that she could never feel him again. Yet she couldn’t force herself to part from it.

The voices of everyone that had survived were far away, they didn’t reach her. They were somewhere else, she was alone. She stopped listening, and ever since, she was engulfed in a gray, silent world. The only thing that she could see was his red bandanna. Nothing more, nothing less.

Food grew tasteless. Eating became a task, as everything she swallowed felt like sand. Sometimes she wished she’d just choke and die, but it never happened. She couldn’t even notice the faint scent of flowers in bloom. After he died, she spent three days and three nights in his room, until she no longer smelt his scent. She had nothing left.

She stared at the lake in front of her. The moon’s reflection shone, almost taunting her.

“ _I wish for your happiness_ ,” she played his words over and over in her head.

“My happiness lay with you,” she said to the wind, to the moon. “It died the day you left.”

She took one step into the water, cold for a spring night, but she didn’t care. She knew what she had to do. She only needed to take another step. She was born alone, lived alone, until she met him. He encouraged her to be strong, to go on. She finally learned what it was a friend, someone she loved. She finally knew what it was to be loved. But it was all gone.

She was alone.

She only needed courage, she could do it. Another step and she in the middle of the moon’s reflection.

_Let’s go. Let’s go meet him. There is nothing to be afraid anymore._

His bandana tied around her forehead, she submerged her head under the water…

_I lived alone until I met you and now I will die alone._

…and took a deep breath.

Then, everything grew dark.


End file.
